and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
