toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
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Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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