I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
