Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
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Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
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since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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