Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
