bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
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