so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
