My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
