I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
