Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
