we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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