that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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