She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
