I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
