sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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