We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
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