I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
