Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
