just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
