i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
