I'm really into asian looking animals
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
