yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Randomize
