Well apparently he's into motor boating.
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Never let your siblings swipe right.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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