i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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