Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(304): View more from West Virginia

Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures

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(403): View more from Alberta, CA

Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?

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(313): View more from Michigan

He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.

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(+44): View more from United Kingdom

don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.

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(630): View more from Illinois

There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store

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(973): View more from New Jersey

Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"

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(317): View more from Indiana

Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife

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