have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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