Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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