I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
