Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
