I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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