Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
