You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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