Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
