You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
