The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
