I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
