I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
