I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
She told me I should be a condom model.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
