That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
