I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
