oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
