just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize