So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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