Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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