My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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