Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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