dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Randomize
