Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
