I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
