when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
