nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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