def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
40s are totally the cure
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
