wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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