today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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