My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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