and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
