some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
smell my finger.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
