the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
