the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
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