Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It's never too late to be topless.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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