I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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