How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
