Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize