so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
